I love the discovery that I am not an idiot.

I recently completed my master’s degree in Organizational Leadership. One of the requirements for my last class is to re-read my leadership philosophy paper from my first class and write about how I have changed.

Reflection always seems to be the most difficult part of these courses. It means I have to sit down, usually without interruption, and actually think about who I am and what is important to me. That’s tough to do. Not so much because my kids are asking questions or arguing or wanting to eat, but because I have to be honest with myself… and that takes effort.

When I read my leadership philosophy from two years ago, I want to say that nothing has really changed.
Do I really believe that leaders need to invest in personal growth, character, understanding and community? Yes. No change there.
Do I really believe that leaders need to involve themselves with people and learning? Yes. No change there.
Do I really believe that leaders need to inspire others? Yes. No change there.

So what is different? I am different. Over the past few months, I have come to realize that my original leadership philosophy paper was more a paper about what I hoped could be. I hoped these principles could actually be something of importance within a leader’s life, although I had yet to experience them in any real capacity. For my entire adult life, I hadn’t met or worked for any leader who embodied the servant leader attitude and character that I so admired. But I had felt those attitudes and characteristics at work in my life. What I had seen and experienced from the leaders I had been involved with conflicted with what was at work in me. This created a kind of malaise. I came to believe that I could never really lead because I didn’t possess the necessary qualities of leadership. This degree program has helped me understand that my philosophy of hope was actually a strong philosophy of leadership.

I am still on the path of growing into a strong leader. I will always be growing. I am glad this growth has brought me to understand that the way I am wired to lead is not a weakness but a strength. It is the leadership of the future.

My philosophy will change over time as I better understand what is important to me. So will yours. In the meantime, however… I love the discovery that I am not an idiot.

OS Brian (Brian’s operating system)

This may be the last post we share that is inspired by my ethics course at Gonzaga. This course has brought me a greater understanding of different worldviews and the values associated with them. I have begun to see life with eyes wide open. Granted my worldview hasn’t changed, but my understanding of it has. I have begun to see why I respond the way I do and how my values play an active role in decision-making processes outside of my home.
My worldview (not my values) tends to run in the background. Why I do what I do or believe the way I do runs underneath my life. It is kind of like a computer’s operating system. I don’t give it a second thought while I do my work. But once something doesn’t do what it should or something crashes, the operating system becomes extremely important to understand.
Trials tend to crash in on my personal worldview and force me to evaluate why I believe and if my belief system is viable. As I work through them, I become more aware of what and why I believe. They force me to bring my worldview to the forefront.
This seemingly constant reevaluation of who I am and what I believe (and the resultant experience) helps me better cope with difficulties in my work environment. I can evaluate process or equipment or employee needs, looking for a better way, if possible. My life’s struggles have helped me understand that struggles happen and they are opportunities to overcome.