Sometimes I struggle with where life has brought me. It’s the classic “What if?” question. What if a different decision had been made? What if I had found better examples of leadership? What if I had grown up sooner? What if I had more intentionality in my decision-making throughout my 20′s and early 30′s? What if I hadn’t failed at that job or relationship? What if…?
When I was younger than my current 48 years, I thought I could do anything. I could be a Navy Seal, an architect, a veterinarian. I could be strong, smart, influential. Nothing was holding me back. The sky was the limit. If I wanted to do something different with my life all I had to do was, well, do it. In some respects that kind of thinking is cathartic. Helpful. It was full of hope, believing my situation could change because I wanted to make it change. Over the years I have found that I don’t actually control every aspect of my life. My “what if” questions are irrelevant.
I no longer want to be an architect. I realize I don’t have the stuff it takes to be a Navy Seal. I don’t want to sacrifice the time away from my family to go back to school to be a veterinarian.
Age, family, failures, household budgets, children. They have all contributed to an understanding that who I am is who God created me to be. He wired me in this unique fashion. He intends for my life to be about Him… to honor Him. My desire to make a difference, to be part of something incredible, is really about seeing God change lives through me.
I wonder what that is going to look like in the next few months.
